Top 5 Things From My Childhood That Would Never Fly in 2019

Remember the scene in the original Dumbo when the baby elephant and mouse accidentally drink a bunch of champagne and see "pink elephants on parade"? Guess what, that would never NEVER fly in 2019. Fly, see what I did there? Anyway, if you haven't seen it, the new Dumbo addresses the drunk scene in a very politically correct and humorous way. In fact, the entire ending is very 2019. I liked it!

And there are a lot of things that were popular when I was a child that would be put on blast all over social media today. Did people always feel this way about things and just had no way to voice these concerns or has social media made us more aware of allllll the things we shouldn't do, say, or be? Chicken or egg? We may never know.

TOUCH ME SHIRTS

Okay, so first up. I just saw this one. I don't remember these shirts but apparently they were a thing. HOT COMMODITY if you will. Enter: HyperColor Shirts. So, apparently they change color when they get warm - like a mood ring in fabric form. The part I'm curious about is the phrase written on some shirts: "Touch Me!" Um yes, this is a direct invitation for anyone, anywhere to reach out and touch you just to see how much the fabric changes. And, you wear it, so you gotta own it. Think this was a terrible trend? #metoo

HOT FOR TEACH

Recently, I re-watched Dawson's Creek and somehow... SOMEHOW I forgot about that part where Pacey has this elicit affair with his teacher.  Ew ew ew ew EW. And he was all, like, showing up at her house and hanging out for hours with no one noticing? Let's not forget Capeside's population was a roaring 502. Today, I'm pretty sure the Ring Doorbell video footage would make its way to socials in no time. And, I can't imagine a CW teen soap would ever put this out there today. I mean this was the PILOT. THE PILOT!

THESE TERRIBLE FASHION MISTAKES

There are some styles that make a comeback. They are hip, cool, fresh and "retro." There are some styles that should never make a comeback. Gap apparently didn't get the memo.

Behold the CHINO PANT. It's a wide-leg crop pant. Let me be clear: This. Style. Doesn't. Flatter. Anyone.

Let's take it a step further, shall we, Gap? Oh yes, pleated baggy trousers. NO, just, No!

SMOKING OR SMOKING?

Circa 1991: Would you like smoking, or... just kidding. Everyone smokes. There is no such thing as "non-smoking"! I actually remember the days before a "non-smoking section" became a thing. Then, a few years ago, we phased smoking out of public places altogether. My child wouldn't know what to do if she saw someone smoking in a public place. She already shame yells strangers who she passes on the street smoking. THAT MAN IS SMOKING, MAMA! SMOOOOOOOKING! COUGH COUGH. I MIGHT BE DYING, MAMA.

BANG BANG, BANG BA BANG BANG

Surely, in this day and age if some fashion guru (let's call him InStyle) deemed feathered or baby bangs to be the coolest thing since flat ironed hair, the masses would squash that deep into a hole never to be found again. Surely... oh wait, they did. The comments tho!

Here are a few of my favorite comments:

Deema AlSaffar Patterson says: No they are not. STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS UGLY HAIR CUT A THING

Virginia Montoya retorts: This looks like a 3 year olds hair after they get ahold of the scissors 😂😂😂

Erin Forst stated: No no no. It wasn’t cute when my mom would cut my bangs too short and it’s not cute now ha

Lynn Ann Clark replied: No, just NO! Do NOT do this!! You will cry and regret it and it'll be awful. Nobody needs that kind of negativity, lol.

Jessica Van Liere and summed it up perfectly with: No one wants this.

Full disclosure, my mom did cut these hideous things on my forehead except they were super thick and started at the middle of my head. And here's the dirty secret no one tells you about. The growing out part is the WORST. And back in the Nineties before flat irons were a thing, all you had was your crappy curling iron to help you through. My lip is curling... I still go to therapy over that one.

So, there you have it. My top five things that wouldn't fly today! What are yours?