Wherever there is a hint of desperation and wild-eyed stupidity, you can bet that sometime just before dawn, a dumpster child from the downtrodden generation will emerge and make all of us upstanding citizens stand a little taller – and today is no exception.

According to a report by the Evansville police, Christopher A. McGlauflin started his morning off on the wrong foot after he allegedly busted through the front doors of a closed McDonald’s restaurant and then proceeded to rob them. Hey, we completely understand the need to satisfy an early morning sausage biscuit craving, but come on man - you have to wait until 5:30 AM like the rest of us.

While inside the restaurant, police say that McGlauflin apparently became aggravated with his inability to open the cash register, so he grabbed “several fruit parfaits” off the five-finger discount menu instead and made a run for it. It’s nice to see that he is making healthy choices.

The yogurt thief was arrested hours later when he walked in front of the restaurant still covered in glass while officers were inside reviewing security footage from the break-in. We’re starting to get the impression that this guy isn’t too bright.

McGlauflin is currently being held in the Vanderburgh County Jail where he faces felony charges of burglary, criminal mischief and theft of merchandise totaling less than $50.

[Courier Press]