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Birds of a Feather Get Shot Together – if They’re Turkeys

(Marc Serota/Getty Images)

It’s just about wild turkey hunting time in the Tri-State, and just like the lyrics that are sung in “Chevy Van,” by Sammy Johns, “…and that’s all right with me!”  Sorry, but I don’t like wild turkeys.  They are, in my mind, just like deer – a nuisance.  They wander around aimlessly with no real purpose, running onto rural roadways and causing automobile accidents.  They spread ticks and lice, too.  So, I say, let the hunting games begin!

I know, I know…Benjamin Franklin may have liked the birds and we may eat turkeys on holidays, but I don’t don’t even like them to eat, much less have them wandering on the roads.  Did you know that, even though we talk about and perpetuate the myth that the Pilgrims ate turkey with the Native American Indians, it still doesn’t do anything for me.  Give me fried chicken, a steak or a bacon cheeseburger, and I’m MUCH happier than eating turkey, no matter how you prepare it.

A few summers ago, I was driving our van (with my family inside) from Holiday World back home, when a mother turkey, followed by her little turk-ettes, decided to fly up right in front of our van and smash my windshield!  It scared the residual “Holiday World fun” right out of us and all the way home, I was worried that my cracked-into-a-zillion-bits windshield (that had turkey feathers sticking out of the cracks) would cave in on us before I got home.  Well, we made it home safely and a couple of days later, a repair service arrived at our house and replaced the windshield.  But I was NOT a happy camper.

Oh, sure, there have been other times, as well, when these feathered bird brains have, along with their psycho-brain deer friends, run out in front of my vehicle.  I’ve just about had it with slamming on my brakes and sustaining vehicle damage because of these rural terrorist ambushers!

So, again, I say, “Let the hunting games begin!”  May all turkey hunters be blessed this year by shooting the highest number of turkeys allowed by law!  I’ll gladly eat ham this Thanksgiving and Christmas.

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