13 Ways that Mitt Romney Can Lose the Presidential Nomination
Mitt Romney’s might have all but secured him the Republican presidential nomination, but as they say in politics, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish with a little vodka, a couple of hookers and a bounce house.
There’s still a very, very, very slight chance that the Republican’s front runner could lose his front runner status. Here are some ways that could happen.
1. Manage to become so boring that the FDA labels him as an effective surgical anesthetic.
2. Remark how all the trees in town are all the right height and much prettier than the ones on his home planet.
3. His dog learns how to write and gets a six-figure deal for a tell-all book called “Dog on a Hot Van Roof.”
4. During the middle of a passionate speech on the Bush tax cuts, his batteries suddenly run out of juice.
5. Admit that as a young Mormon, he was so moved by the Walt Disney film that he tried to posthumously baptize Old Yeller.
6. Sing in public again.
7. He tries to show he’s an ordinary guy by ordering a slice of pizza and asks the Pizza Hut waiter if they serve a “Gold Stuffed Crust.”
8. Insists that the IRS offer an additional tax credit for husbands and all of their wives.
9. As he’s shaking hands with supporters, someone is about to sneeze and he offers them a $100 bill to blow their nose with.
10. Reports surface that while he was a student, he forcibly cut another student’s hair because it wasn’t “faaaaabulous”.
11. His pick for head of the IMF? Donald Trump.
12. Tries sucking up to the Tea Partiers by talking about his antique silver tea set owned by King Louis XIV of France that’s only been used once and was sold to pay for a Ming Dynasty egg cozy.
13. He starts making sense.