Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson once said, “My life is given that much more meaning knowing that I’m going to die.” Tell that to the guy who’s dying.

We get the point, but the urgency of death can cause a man to do some really stupid things. One man who thought he was at death’s door spent every cent he had living his life to the fullest completing his “bucket list” before he kicked it, only to discover the diagnosis was wrong and he is in perfect health. Maybe he can take some comfort in knowing that none of these wastes of life’s time were on his “To-Kick-Off-List.”

1. Conduct a full orchestral concert of the greatest hits of Jim Nabors.

2. Nude skydiving with your grandparents.

3. Uncover the deep dark secret behind how they get the cream into Twinkies.

4. Blow your life savings on Speedos.

5. Go hunting with Dick Cheney dressed as a giant chicken.

6. Send a carefully worded and emotionally moving “Thank you” note to the IRS.

7. Have a three-way with two Supreme Court justices.

8. Go deep sea diving in the Hudson River.

9. Take a bitching, drug-fueled road trip to Branson, Missouri.

10. Bungee jump off of Chris Christie.

11. Attend a public reading of ’50 Shades of Gray’ with your priest.

12. Donate a kidney to Lindsay Lohan whether she needs it now or later.

13. “Mount” Everest.