Temperatures are reaching new heights as we move into the summer. Sweltering humidity have made being outdoors almost unbearable. The sun is laughing at us.

Chances are the summer of 2012 will break some new records for the highest temperatures on record. Of course, some places are hotter than others. Here’s how you can tell your thermometer may soon be reaching uncharted territory:

1. The collective sound of fat sweaty guys getting out of vinyl chairs is now considered noise pollution.

2. You can fry an egg, a side of bacon and a whole turkey on the sidewalk.

3. People gather around the radio when Rush Limbaugh is on since he now produces the least amount of hot air.

4. Your kid asks if he can open a window in the car while you’re driving and he removes the windshield.

5. The least uncomfortable aspect of New Jersey is the smell.

6. Al Gore is melting.

7. Mitt Romney says that the weather reminds him of the climate on his home planet of Mercury.

8. The guy who drives the ice cream truck drowned in his own van from melted popsicles.

9. President Obama declares war on the sun.

10. Guys take cold showers to get in the mood.

11. Mitt Romney’s dog doesn’t mind riding on the roof of the car.

12. Donald Trump’s toupee refuses to show up for work until the boss agrees to a hat.